SOUTHERNOSITY

 Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc. make up a MESS.

 Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of “YONDER.”

 Only a Southerner knows exactly how long “DIRECTLY” is – as in “Going to town, be back directly.”

Even Southern babies know that “GIMME SOME SUGAR” is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.

 All Southerners know exactly when “BY AND BY” is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.

Only a Southerner know instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who’s got trouble is a plate of hot FRIED CHICKEN and a big bowl of cold POTATO SALAD. If the neighbors trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large BANANA PUDDIN.

Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between “RIGHT NEAR” and “A RIGHT FAR APIECE.” They know that “JUST DOWN THE ROAD” can be 1 mile or 20.

Only a Southerner both knows and understands the differences between a REDNECK,  a  GOOD OL’ BOY, and PO’ WHITE TRASH. 

No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.

Only a Southerner knows that “FIXIN” can be used both as a noun, verb and adverb.

 True Southerners make friends standing in lines. We don’t do “queues,” we do “lines.” And when we’re in line, we talk to everybody.

Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they’re related, if only by marriage.

True Southerners never refer to one person as “ya’ll.”

True Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.

Every true Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that redeye gravy is also a breakfast food; that fried green tomatoes are not breakfast food.

When you hear someone say, “WELL, I CALLED MYSELF LOOKIN’,” you know you’re in the presence of a genuine Southerner.

Only true Southerners say “SWEET TEA” and “SWEET MILK.” Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it – we do not like our tea unsweetened; “sweet milk” means you don’t want buttermilk.

And a true Southerner knows you don’t scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 on the freeway – you say, “BLESS HER HEART ” and go your way.

And there’s the ole time favorite of “goin” back home to see “mommernem” for some “DOWN HOME COOKIN'”.   

To those of you who’re still a little embarrassed by your Southerness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your heart!

And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff, bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin’ to have classes on Southernness as a second language! 

And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a long time, ya’ll need a sign to hang on ya’lls front porch that reads, “I aint from the South but I got here as fast as I could.” Bless your hearts, ya’ll have a blessed day.