Clifton, Tennessee – Friday, Dec. 2, 1904 – Vol. 24 No. 8, Page 1
“Pretty Play on Postoffice Names”
To begin with, our own home county stands well up in the list. Wayne county girls are not handicapped as are those of other counties. They are naturally prettier, and then they always have Leapyear. We have a Cyclone permanently located with us, and rather remarkable to state it is an advantage than otherwise. The Moon and Star shed Light on our Factory, and now that it is hog killing time we are reminded that we have Sage for the seasoning, and no matter what we undertake Victory is ours.
Outside our own county the many suggestive names form an interesting study. The Alpha of the whole situation is in Hamblen and the Omega in Houston. We suppose the reason we have Faro in Davidson and Gamble in Blount is because the Law is in Henderson. There is Regret in McMinn and Grief in Bradley because Decatur has monopolized the Bliss. Even though Henderson has the Sweetlips the Yumyum is away down in Fayette. The Comfort of Marion is not at all disturbed because of the Hoodoo over in Coffee. We get Abiff in Dickson, Acuff in Union, a Blossom in Hawkins, a Cross in Campbell, a Penny in Hancock, a Quarter in Claibourne, a Dollar in Carroll, Golddust in Lauderdale, our Greenback in Loudon and a Bank in Blount. We Hunt in Madison while the Wolfjump in Monroe and Deerlodge in Morgan, and we find Bison in Cocke, Blackfox in Bradley and Bobwhite in Robertson. The Owlhollow in Franklin, the Hooten takes place in Gibson and is Heard in Pickett more than two hundred miles away.
The lone Priest of Williamson must go to Decatur to find Vice, while the Boy, rather than be Lonely in Humphreys, stays in Campbell with Girlton.
There are some peculiar meteorological phenomena. For instance, when it is Dawn in Coffee it is Daylight in Warren and Sunrise in Hickman. While it is Rainy in Bledsoe it is Sunbright in Morgan.
Though Defeated in Smith we can easily find Help in Cocke that will Neverfail in Cumberland if we Rest only in Cheatham. Up in Morgan things are always Goin. They are Fleet in Johnson, Switt in Hardin, while they Slide in Hawkins and Fly in Maury.
While in Eaton in Gibson we pet a Halfpone in Cheatham and go back to Cheatham to Munch it. Our Mend come froms Van Buren, Reeves of Hardeman furnishes us our Pinetop and we get our Booz from Overton where we hitch to a Hanging Limb and go to Henry to Sip it. Then we find our Mockeson in Lawrence and our Rattlesnake in Montgomery instead of in our boots.
In Jackson it is considered an Accident because the Cowards are in Knox, but in White they regard it as Fate. Anyway, we get Solitude in Hawkins, Joy in Dekalb, Charity in Moore, Grace in White, Virtue in Knox, Churches in Hancock and a Bible Hill in Decatur, and of the historical personal representatives of the church we find Paul in Lawrence, Mark in Wilson, Luke in Putnam, John in Jackson, Jeremiah in Putnam, Job in Anderson, Elijah in White, Noah in Coffee, and Ruth, always dear to the heart of Bible readers, is near by in Hardin.
We get a Peach in Lawrence, a Cherry in Lauderdale and Fruit in Gibson. They are Dull in Dickson, Smartt in Warren and Fancy in Weakley. And while the Rich are having Trouble up in Giles we get our Box in Humphreys and wind up in the Cemetery of Shelby. Now, if our Kentucky friend is not satisfied not having a fool killer, we will consign him to the Calfkiller in Putnam.