Transcribed By Pamela Vick
March 20, 1947 - Reprinted September 15, 1977
* CAL’S COLUMN *
Having received much favorable comment on
the “Column,” here goes again. This
time we wish to give a few of the episodes in our life as a minister and
particularly some in which our good friend, Elder C.B. Massey, had a part. We met this man for the first time in 1910
and have been the best of friends since that time. However, he has “played off” on the writer dozens and perhaps
scores of times. Brother Massey never
was bashful, unless it was 70 years ago, he now being in his 80th year. The writer was for many years one of the
most bashful persons we “ever met.” In
fact some of the most painful errors we have ever made were due in part to
bashfulness. Brother Massey, knowing
this defect in our make-up, took full advantage of same and “rode me with two
spurs and a butcher knife.”
Below will be given a few of these
“tragic” happenings.
On one occasion, we were told by the
“Captain,” as Brother Massey has been called for many years, that he had been
to hold a funeral for some party. In
our surprise, we blurted out, “Is he dead?”
The answer was, “I do not hold people’s funerals till they die,” and he
laughed Cal out of countenance. In later
years, since we held a funeral for a man before he died, his reply would be,
“No, I don’t hold people’s funerals before they die, like you do.”
In the year 1916, we became a rural
carrier on Route one, out of Pleasant Shade, serving Brother Massey as one of
the patrons of the route. The in-coming
mail did not then arrive at the post office at Pleasant Shade until one in the
afternoon. We had then to cover about
twelve miles more of the route. On
this second lap, we turned old “Bob,” our sorrel horse, loose to choose his own
way. He had by that time learned to go
by a mail box without being reined in.
So we would grap up the new arrived daily paper and read between mail
boxes. On one occasion, old Bob slowed
down before he got to a box. We called
out rather harshly, “Come up, Bob.” But Bob did not “come up.” We then looked over the top of the daily paper to see what had
slowed down the old horse, and spied C.B. Massey clutching the horse’s bridle
and holding him from going forward.
Being bashful, we were at a considerable disadvantage and were laughed
out of countenance again. If we had not
been bashful and could have thought then as we do now, we would have said,
“Well, you are going to be arrested for obstructing the mails.” But we did not think of that until it was
too late. He has told this tale on us
many times.
On another occasion, the Captain and his
family had spent the night with us. We
were to kill hogs that day. So we went
up one of the neighbors, Mr. Lon Russell, and borrowed his wagon to use in
getting our hogs home from the slaughter place. The ground being level, and we being fairly strong then, we
decided to pull the wagon by hand from the Russell place to our home. It was a cold, frosty morning and we were
wearing a big, heavy overcoat. So we
grabbed the tongue of the wagon and began to back it into the main road in
order to turn down where we lived. We
bowed our head and began to push the wagon.
At first, it was not any trouble to roll the wagon backwards. That it seemed to slow down and to require
much more strength to move it toward the main road. We did not look behind the wagon to see what was slowing it down,
thinking that some small stone was in the way and that it would soon roll over
the rock. After pushing until we were
nearly exhausted, we happened to look toward the rear of the wagon and there we
spied the Captain holding against the rear of the wagon and forcing us to put
out about all the strength we had, and now and then easing up some to make us feel
that the wagon had rolled over another stone.
If we had been large enough that time, we would have enjoyed “licking”
the laughing preacher. But we desisted,
just as we have done in all the other “scrapes” into which he led us.
One of the worst of all the episodes we
recall in which we were “the goat” and C. B. Massey was largely to blame for
our troubles, took place in 1921. At
that time Cal had not been “around very much,” and in addition to his bashfulness,
he was as green as a gourd. On the
occasion just referred to, Brother Massey and Brother Sloan and the writer were
in our way to West Tennessee to attend an Association. We reached Nashville on Monday, to find that
the train we needed to take would not leave Nashville until the next afternoon
about one o’clock. This gave us part of
the afternoon and an entire night in Nashville. And at the time “Cal” had not been in Nashville many times. The first bad upset we had occurred early
that night. One of the older preachers,
and I forgotten (?) which one it was, either Massey or Sloan, said: “Boys,
let’s go to the picture show tonight.”
We objected in a mild manner, saying that it would be wrong for us to
go, but at the same time really anxious to attend. One of the others said: “We are way off down here in Nashville
and nobody will know us. So let’s
go.” I yielded at once, feeling that
the advice of the older brethren ought to be followed specially when I wanted
to follow it rather badly. So with all
objections answered and our conscience somewhat eased, we proceeded to one of
the moving picture theaters. We had
hardly reached the ticket window when one of the rowdiest and most reckless
young men he had ever known, one who happened to know all of us, appeared on
the scene, almost as if by magic. He
stopped and then said: “Ho, ho, three preachers in a bunch and all going into
the show together.” The writer felt
himself shrink up until he did not feel larger that the end of his little
finger. But we had gone too far to turn
back. The three of us went into the
show, but it had lost its interest for the writer and our conscience gnawed on
us the entire time the show lasted.
But back the to harrowing part of the
trip. That night just before we
retired, we turned out a light that was supposed to have been left burning all
night. C.B. Massey found out what had
been done, so he began to make a mountain out of a mole hill, and then he
proceeded to prove all his contentions by Brother Sloan. We were informed by Massey that we had
broken one of the ordinances of the city and that we had committed a crime that
made us subject to arrest. Sloan backed
him up in what he said. At first, we
managed to belittle their statements and charges: but as time went and each of
our “tormentors” became more and more convincing in his charges, we decided we
might be arrested. So the next morning,
while we were out sightseeing and we may add that we were not getting much
enjoyment out of it, we spied a policeman.
We immediately took refuge behind the two preachers who were riding us
“a bug hunting.” We can even now see
their somewhat hidden smiles as they noticed how we shrank from every policeman
we met. What kick they did get out of
our predicament! We have had a lot of
fun in our time with others, but we do not recall having ever given any poor
suffering fellow “the third degree” as they gave it to us that fall day in
1921. Finally we got on the train and
rolled out of Nashville, when we boldly announced: “There was not a thing to
all your charges: and, besides, I am NOW perfectly safe.” Then Massey said, “Young man, you had better
be careful. They may send a telegram
down this railroad to some town ahead and arrest you and take you off this
train.” Again we subsided and somehow
wished we had stayed at home. We also
had the feeling then that never again would we be caught out with two such
preachers. So in a subdued manner, we
continued our journey until we reached a small railway depot in West Tennessee,
where we left the train. A young man we
had never before seen nor had we ever heard of him, met the three of us at the
train to take us to the vicinity of old Mt. Comfort Church.
As we rolled along in the wagon drawn by
a good team of mules, we felt our spirit reviving somewhat. But we were due for the durest jolt of
all. The two older preachers were
razzing us unmercifully about turning out the light in Nashville, and
overstated the facts. We denied the
overstatements. Then Massey said, “We
can prove by this young man driving this wagon that you did as we say.” By this time, we were so completely
“rattled” that we were hardly responsible for what we were saying. We aimed to say that if this young man, who
lived 120 miles from Nashville, and who was no closer than that at the time of
the alleged misdeed, with which we were being charged, was going to be a
witness against us, we would not believe a word he would say. In our confusion and embarrassment, we left
off all the “preamble” and blurted out: “I would not believe a word he would say.” This was a rather hard thing to say of one
we had met only 15 minutes before for the first time in life and who was doing
us a kindness to carry us to a place where we would be cared for during the
night. Even now we can see him as he
suddenly drew up on the lines and called out: “Whoa! We’ll put him out right
here.” And right here, we may say, was
in the midst of a West Tennessee swamp section and about as desolate a place as
one could imagine. We tried to
apologize and tell the young man that we did not mean what we had said, but
Massey and Sloan both told the young man that they knew us better than he did
and that we were just trying to save our skin.
Then they said: “Put him out, put him out.” With the wagon stopped still, and the young man apparently
undecided as to what he ought to do, we tried as best we could to tell him just
what we meant to say. But Massey and
Sloan insisted that Gregory be put out.
We looked about us and almost shivered that warm September afternoon at
the prospect of being thrown out in the midst of a West Tennessee swamp, 180
miles from home, and friendless and forsaken of God and man. We would have gladly given a hundred dollars
if we had had the amount, to have been at home. We resolved then that this was our last trip with such a pair of
men as Massey and Sloan had proven themselves to be. Finally the driver of the team apparently relented and drove on,
allowing us to continue on with the three of them, but we were not far from
tears by that time.
Such treatment of a poor, ignorant,
bashful greenhorn was very rough, but it was a good thing in a way. It led us to defend ourself against such
razzing and in time we got to the place where neither of them could do anything
at all with us in the way of joking or razzing. On the return trip on the train, we were put through the “third
degree” again, but we managed to live through it and gained a little strength,
so at the end of the trip we felt slightly better toward the two men who had
“doubled up” against us and almost ruined the future editor of the Times.
Then there was another time in West
Tennessee episode. This one occurred
two years later and Massey was the chief instigator of our woes this time. We were taking super with a family not far
from Alamo in Crockett County. It was a
hot September evening and the old brother with whom we were stopping was well
fixed in some ways. He had a large
country home, plenty of food, livestock and was prosperous in a way. But he did not have much of a housekeeper. In our 55 years we have never seen so many
flies as old Brother P------- had in his home.
They were swarming and not one effort was being make to keep them off
the table. One could have struck a
dozen by moving his hand in a half circle of the table. They had evidently grown fat and lazy and
they were not swift on wing and felt inclined to light on anything that was not
too hot to light on. The old man’s wife
had carried dinner to the Association that day and had brought much of it back
home. It made up the bulk of our
supper, with some hot biscuits and hot hash being added. Never had we been so harassed by flies. We minced along, trying to eat and at the
same time trying to keep the flies out of our big mouth. Massey was throwing in the hash and hot
biscuits like nobody’s business. In
fact we do not think the flies were bothering him to an appreciable
degree. At that time we were rather
finicky on the eating of butter, eating some at home and now and then eating
some in the “nicer” places we visited.
While Massey was throwing in the hash, he glanced up our way and saw us
trying to make out a meal while we “flit” flies on every hand. The hash and biscuits were too hot for the
flies to light on then and Massey was making excellent progress. Just then he spied a bowl of white butter
some two or three feet to his right hand.
There must have been a hatful of that butter and the flies were sitting
on it in considerable numbers. Massey,
knowing our “weak stomach for butter,” deliberately made a “long arm,” took
hold of the big bowl and then stuck that fly-covered butter right under our
nose, saying: “Brother Gregory, have some butter.” We came near vomiting just then, but did manage to decline the
nauseating butter. But we had swallowed
all we could of the fly-covered food and laughed until we had to give it up and
just let him have his fun. He has told
this “true story” on us many times, but we still say: “Old man P------- had
more flies than anybody else we have known in our entire lifetime.”
Readers may wonder if we did not become angry. Well, there were times when we were on the verge of becoming
angry, but managed to stay “on the handle” very well and lived through these
experiences. We repeat what we have
already said: Such razzing was good for us, for it cured us of our bashfulness
and taught us to defend ourself. Today
neither Massey nor Sloan can do anything with us when it comes to a joke. In fact Massey says we are now worse than he
ever was. But I never did pass a poor
fellow a big bowl of white butter through a swarm of flies when we knew he did
not eat butter. However, we would not
say that we had never razzed a younger minister, for we have been guilty of so
doing at least once or twice. Now
Massey and Sloan are not “jokey” as they were once and old age has now made
many changes. Brother Massey is now 80
years of age and we love him as we have perhaps never loved any other man. He has razzed us more than any other
minister. No man we have ever known has
been of more help to a young minister that he has. We regret to see him slipping into the shadows that come at the
end of life’s pathway. He has been our
friend through all the years and today we count him our father in
ministry. May God bless his declining
days and grant that the sun of life may go down for him in a blaze of glory.
Brother Sloan has not razzed us as much
as did Brother Massey, but he has been our good friend through the past 36 years
and we esteem him highly for his work’s sake, for he has been a valiant
defender of what he believes and has labored through more than 40 years as a
minister. He is now in rather poor
health. May God restore his health and
grant that he may be spared four score years and at the end of the way be able
to say: “I fought a good fight, I have keep the faith, I am now ready to be
offered. Henceforth there is laid up
for me a crown of righteous, and not for me only, but also for all them that
love His appearing.”