Transcribed by

Kathleen Hastings Whitlock

August 8, 1946

* CAL’S COLUMN *

We have had some favorable comment and numerous requests to continue this column. We appreciate this reception on the part of our readers and will try to remember now and then their requests. We have had so far as we have learned, only one “serious setback.” One lady reader is reported to be wrong with us for saying that one could hardly live with a wife and neither could he scarcely live without one. We were joking about this matter and certainly did not mean to offend anybody. As most readers know, there is a lot of puns, wisecracks and other forms of “throwing off” on the other by both men and women. This, we presume, is done solely as a matter of fun and as a joke. Surely nobody ought to get offended at such remarks which are never meant to hurt or harm the other fellow, male or female.

As a man, it is only natural that we take the side of the men. However, we would not want to live in a world without women. Even Adam, with knowledge of what his action would bring on himself, took of the forbidden fruit, as we believe, to be with his wife. In all the world there was no other woman. We do not believe that any of the men of today would have done better than Adam did.

Among the many “smart” (?) things we have heard gotten off by the man toward the woman, we list below a few of them. One man said: “I can take the Bible and prove there is not a woman in Heaven.” His wife said: “I do not believe a word of it.” The husband replied: “Well, the Bible says in Rev. 8:1, “And when he had opened the seventh seal there was silence in Heaven about the space of half an hour,’ and there never was a woman who could keep her mouth shut for thirty minutes.” The details of his wife’s reply might not be allowed to go through the mails. The men readers can guess what happened, and the women readers will no doubt say what ought to have been said.

Another man asked: “Does not the Bible teach that the woman was made after the man?” His pastor replied, “Yes, my brother.” The questioner then asked: “Hain’t she been after him ever since?” We did not wait for the reply.

This is a very old one:

Little drops of

water,

Little daubs of

paint,

Make a woman’s face

What it ain’t.

A small boy in a large crowd was crying for his mommy and saying he was lost. A policeman went to the child and asked him his troubles. He replied that he had lost his mommy. The policeman asked: “Son, why did you not hold on to your mother’s dress?” And the little fellow said: “I could not reach it.”

Years ago this one was in the Pathfinder:

There was a young man

Named Ash

Who gave his wife all his cash;

She spent it all for dresses

And now she confesses

They have nothing to eat

But hash.

After giving some of these “good things” in favor of the men, we feel that in fairness to the women we ought to give one or two in their favor.

A child was looking through a Bible Story book and found some pictures that were new to the little girl. She asked: “Mother, what are these?” The mother’s reply was: “They are angels, dear.” The child, much impressed, continued to gaze at the pictures of the angels, and then asked, “Mother, do folks, when they die, make angels?” We do not believe the mother’s idea to be correct, but her reply was, “Yes, darling, if they are good folks.” The child continued to look at the pictures and finally asked, “Mother, don’t any men ever go to heaven?” Mother’s reply was, “Yes, a few of them do. Why do you ask?” “Well, these angels all are women.” The mother, surprised somewhat, said, “Why, my child, do you think so?” The innocent child replied, “They don’t have any beard.” “Well,” replied the mother, “all the men that get to Heaven, get there by a close shave.”

We recall once how that a certain Baptist minister and one well known to most of our readers got off the following: “What are the three fastest means of communication?” This was before the days of radio. None of his hearers, including the editor, knew the answer to his question, which he really wanted to answer himself. So innocently, we asked what the three fastest forms of communication were. The preacher replied: Telephone, telegram and tellawoman.” After a hearty laugh at the expense of two or three lady teachers present, the minister decided that he had done well and that one good turn deserved another. So he tried “his hand” again, with somewhat disastrous effects. His pun the time was: “Tell a man anything it goes into one ear and out the other. Tell a women anything and it goes into both ears and out at her mouth.” One of the lady teachers then asked, “Brother ---, do you know why it is that when you tell a man anything it goes into one ear and out the other?” We knew that he was biting at the wrong time, but we could not save him. He asked, “Why is it, sister?” And her reply, :Because there is nothing in his head to hold it.” This floored the preacher who had gone one step too far and had placed himself beyond redemption.

All the above is written solely for the fun of the matter and no offense is meant toward anybody. If you enjoy them, we might find some more.

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