The Possum Cookbook

I know of several ways to catch a possum. Perhaps the easiest is to simply drive around for a while in your truck. The problem will soon resolve itself.
(SCCRRRREEEEEEECCHHH!!. . . SPLAT. . .)

Much more fun, however, is to take your dogs and shotgun, and go into the woods and hunt one down. The advantage to this method is that you don't have to scrape the possum off the pavement. The disadvantage is that you do have to worry about shotgun pellets in the meat.

(OUCH! Dadgum it! There went my best tooth!)

Not to mention that a shotgun blast can really mess up the hide, which makes it a lot harder for the taxidermist.

It is also possible to set traps to catch a possum, but this method is notoriously unreliable. Possums like to stay in the trees, and you're much more likely to catch something else.

(Hey, Ed! There's something in the trap! See them bushes moving? Let's see what it is! . . . OH, $#&@! IT'S A SKUNK!!)

Another thing you might want to take into consideration is that possums are scavengers. They eat anything. If a possum is in the road, chances are he's there looking for lunch. Therefore, it's best to catch them alive if at all possible and feed them corn for a few days to clean them out real good before eating them. You just don't know whose garbage they've been into. After all, you wouldn't want to eat something that's been eating Aunt Edna's leftovers, would you? You know, she's the one who brings that stuff that nobody ever touches to the family reunion.

(Hey, man, what IS that stuff? I think it's still alive!) 

Possums are also notoriously hard to kill, and they, well, play possum if they feel threatened. (That's why they're called possums!) I remember hearing about someone who had a possum get in his garage one time. He was real mad about something, and having a possum rooting around in his garage making a mess just made it worse, so he took after that thing with a shovel. The possum never had a chance. He did have to chop its head off to make sure it was dead; otherwise they just get up and walk off. It was real strange; right after he beheaded the possum, lightning or something struck the garage, blowing out all the lightbulbs and giving him quite a shock. (If you don't get the joke here, don't worry.)

Please note that we're talking about the North American opossum here. There is a species of possum (spelled without the leading "o") native to Australia which is endangered. It is strictly illegal to hunt, trap, or kill an Australian possum. However, this same species is reportedly a nuisance in New Zealand, so if you see one there. . . bon appetit!

Of course, if you take this page seriously anyway... you might be a redneck. 

That ought to get you started. Now, on to the recipes...

The possum must be alive so that you can scare it, giving you the "wild" taste from all the adrenaline it produces. It is best to hit it over the head with a large object in a humane manner. Boil the possum for 3 minutes to loosen the fur then skin and gut it.

De-limb (chop the little knubby legs off) the possum and cut the meat into 1/2 inch square chunks.

Marinate overnight in a mixture of meat marinade and soy sauce. Kentucky residents who have no fridge can use an ice chest and may use radiator coolant instead of soy sauce.

Thread the meat and veggies onto your skewer/stick in alternating sequences to distribute the delicious flavor evenly.

Cook over a barbecue, pit, 50 gallon drum or any other fire till you get the desired result. For added flavor, you can cook it over burning tires.

Servings: 6
Calories: 12,342
Carbs: Holly 4-barrel
Fat: If you eat this kind of crap, fat probably isn't your biggest concern.
---Contributed by Don Shaw (Don@barditch.com)

First, catch a possum. This in itself is excellent entertainment on a moonlight night. Skin the possum and remove the head and feet. Be sure to wash it thoroughly. Freeze overnight either outside or in a refrigerator.
When ready to cook, peel the potatoes and boil them tender in lightly salted water along with the butter and sugar. At the same time, stew the possum tender in a tightly covered pan with a little water. Arrange the taters around the possum, strip with bacon, sprinkle with thyme or marjoram, or pepper, and brown in the oven. Baste often with the drippings.

Cover a pan (or any implement you can put in a fire) with the bottom of your pie crust, and place the possum in it. Add the huckleberries and carrots, and shred the cabbage over it. Close up the pie and bake until the neighbors' dogs come sniffing around to see what the wonderful smell is, or until the fire department arrives (whichever comes first). Remove pie from fire/oven, slice, and enjoy.
----this recipe provided by Anthony Trummert

Slice green peppers and mix ingredients in a large bowl(exclude possum). Cut possum into chunks or thin strips. Mix possum chunks into bowl. Transfer contents of bowl into a casserole dich and bake under 350 degrees for two hours. Remove from oven, let sit for half an hour, and serve. ENJOY!!
----This recipe provided by Ryan Hayes

Note: As mentioned previously, there is a species of possum which is protected in Australia. They cannot be trapped, shot or hunted. If you run over an Australian possum, and it is still alive, call WIRES, which protects Australia's native fauna.

If it's dead, then this recipe may serve a purpose.

First, skin the possum, checking first for lice, myxomitosis, and living young in the pouch.Separate legs from breast. Discard head, neck, tail and claws. If you wish, hold the offal for thanksgiving stuffing. Then cut the possum into long sringy pieces.
Marinate overnight in vinegar, rosemary, bay leaf, clove, garlic & oil mixture.
Make the roll: split the damper, and spread vegemite on each side. Put aside.
Chop the carrot, turnip and tomato into small pieces, then cook with the rest of the ingredients, and stew in a pot, adding a chicken stock cube for seasoning. Dip the possum pieces in the pot, then barbecue for 20 minutes (or until cooked to personal taste).

To serve: like a hot dog, use the damper & vegemite roll to surround pieces of possum.

Serve with chips, salad and beer.

Recipe by Holly and Chloe Bennett, Cootamundra, Australia

Donated by Pat Woolley

Fry bacon in big gramma kettle, over mid. size fire, then fry possum in the grease till golden brown. Take the meat out, then add enough water to pot to fill 2/3 way and then boil noodles. Once cooked add both things of tomatoes to kettle and meat and add enough salt and pepper to old granny's taste. Cook all together for a bout 1 hour simmering over low fire to sautee.
Bone Appa Teet. 
--Anonymous (But not the same one who wrote "Primary Colors")

Chop up everything (be sure to skin the 'dillo) set it on the fire (or stove, if ya wanna be fancy) let it boil until the dogs howl. Eat with regard to the bones and serve with cheese (not green) and more onions. This is actually a recipe my cousins taught me how to cook. It is actually edible.
---Submitted by Scarlett Lee Moody (luminary@etal.com)

1. Skin possum(s)
2. Remove internal organs, head, claws, and bones. There is no flavor or use for these. But if you want to add them, go ahead.
3. Put some tomatoe sauce in the pot(s). Then add the possum.
4. Chop peppers
5. Skip step four if you don't want chopped peppers; it doesn't matter.
6. Put the rest in and let set for a long dang while.
7. Before serving make sure you have enough bread, Milk, and Toliet paper for after dinner.
8. Serve. Enjoy
9. Race for bathroom. Whoever is first will make a large stench. Have enough air freshner.

Serving size of Meal-depends on how much you put in and the possum.
Warning-You're a redneck if you try this. (Either that or you like really hot chili.) May cause sudden urges to go to the bathroom. May cause burnt tongues and mouths. May cause severe indegestion.
---Anonymous

Servings per container: Depends on the possum

Amount per serving:Depends on the possum

Calories: Depends on the possum

Total fat: At least three times the U.S. RDA.

Sodium: Depends on the possum

Total carbohydrate: Depends on the possum

Protein: Depends on the possum